
When most couples come to therapy, they complain about conflict and a desire to communicate better with each other. Everyone desires to relate to others from within a safe space, so couples work focuses primarily on building a safe space and helping them to understand each other better. To do so, most couples need to quickly replace the resentment that has built up over the years due to conflict and misunderstanding. One way is to have couples practice active listening skills, and the other is to stress the importance of couples getting back to having positive interactions with each other.
Teaching active listening begins by encouraging couples to converse with each other in session so that practice can begin under the supervision of a therapist and transfer outside the sessions. Using specific sentence stems, couples will start by talking about an issue and having their partner reflect their understanding until the other person feels understood. From here, the listening partner will validate what the other person has said and then empathize with their feelings. Rather than just listening, the couple needs to validate and empathize, so the other person feels safe and empowered. In this way, couples are taught how to begin hearing what the other person says, rather than reacting and shutting down from a place of defensiveness.
Another important aspect of couples therapy is reducing negativity as much as possible and replacing it with positive experiences. Research has shown that for every 1 negative interaction a couple has, they need 5 positive experiences to compensate for it. Therefore, one of the best solutions to the resentment and negativity in a relationship is to start fostering positive connections again. As I always say to my couples, “I know this is easier said than done, but it is vital to saving a relationship.” Whether it be watching a show together or texting each other something nice a few times a day, it is very important that couples start having positive interactions in lieu of their resentment and negativity. If a couple can start building positive feelings again and understanding each other, there is a very strong chance they can save their relationship. If you and your partner are seeking couples therapy in Calgary, contact us today at (403) 247-2947 and learn how our team can help.
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